We have all felt the twinge of guilt that sets in when our child says, “But I am the only one!” It happens in all areas of parenting, but tech use often tops the list. The push for technology feels constant in the lives of our kids.
It is easy to feel overpowered and burnt out, especially if you feel like you are setting limits that are constantly pushing back against the norms. We want to protect our kids, but we also want them to have friends and be included.
Consequently, many parents are looking for ways to go beyond their homes and begin to shift the norms in their communities, too. We wonder how we can begin to alter patterns and spread awareness that leads to healthier tech habits amongst our family, friends, and even in our schools.
We all have the capacity to make a difference in the conversation, but it can also be overwhelming to try and figure out where to start.
The good news is, the best place to begin is actually at home. When we stick to healthy habits in our own families, they naturally ripple out and impact the communities around us.
Start at Home
Here are five easy things you can implement at home to help you lead by example and be a catalyst for change.
- Establish No Phones Zones
Determine specific times that everyone’s phones go in the basket. Meal times and the hour before bedtime are particularly popular for going screen-free. When we engage fully with our children, we model the importance of uninterrupted in-person interactions.
Request that visiting kids leave their phones in the basket, as well, during playdates or get-togethers. This establishes your home as one that values media-free social time.
- Plan Play-full Playdates
Create a standard that time with friends is play time. If you decide not to have video games or tablets be a choice during playdates, let the other parent know ahead of time that you put technology away during get-togethers. Talking with other parents about these expectations also spreads awareness and can inspire others to implement similar rules. Or, you can let the child know in the beginning when they arrive. This ensures your child does not have to be the one to say “no, we can’t” if their friend is asking to play with screens.
- Find Healthier Alternatives for Family Communication
If you have chosen not to get your child a smart phone, but many of their friends have them, it can be tempting to call their friends to get in contact with them when needed. This can, however, call others to question your motives or the principles behind your “no phone” policy. If you want your child to have the same level of independence as their peers with phones, give yourself an appropriate way to reach them (smart watches or internet-free phones are good examples). This shows that you are seeking safer and healthier forms of communication that still promote their need for independence and growth.
- Turn your Home into Home Base
In today’s culture of dual-earner, fast-paced parenting, it can be hard to find the time or capacity to be the house that hosts. However, kids just want to be together! Middle and high school children in particular need time with one another. If your doors are open to them, they will come through. To balance your child’s differences in technology use, make them feel comfortable inviting friends over often and freely.
It is socially empowering when a child feels they can say, “You’re always welcome to come to my house!” The hope is to promote a play-full childhood. Turning your home in to a welcoming and accommodating space for kids to spend quality time with one another is a great place to start.
- Model the Behaviors You Wish to See
The most effective way to teach our children healthy screen habits is to show them what they look like. As working adults and parents, we simply have more reasons than our teenagers to be on our phones during the day. We are answering work emails, responding to a text chain about dinner plans, writing our grocery list, or ordering our next batch of cleaning supplies before we forget and run out of soap!
It can feel impossible to keep our phones out of sight for any length of time because we use them for such a wide variety of purposes. However, when we set healthy limits around our own device use at home, we are showing our kids what it looks like to be fully present, engaged, and connected. We are “de-romantasicing” the device for our elementary-aged kids, and modeling for our tweens and teens how to use them with caution and care.
In turn, when other parents or friends see us putting our phones in the cabinet, leaving them in the family basket at dinner and bedtime, or choosing to play a game of UNO with our kids after dinner, they see the positive effects of screen limits in action. These demonstrations are powerful motivators for others to think more deeply about their own habits and norms at home as well.
Starting at Home is Just the Start
It can feel overwhelming to want to influence culture beyond your home. When it does, we can remember that our homes themselves are a vehicle of change. Sharing our standards with others, we spread awareness and inspire new ideas. By modeling healthy habits we live out the benefits of a play-full and connected lifestyle for others to see. Talking openly about our limits at home with friends and family we gain insight and open lines of communication.
Ultimately, these experiences help us to build our own knowledge and understanding as well, making us more equipped to get involved in wider spheres of influence and deepen our impact.
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Authored by: Courtney G. DiStefano, CCLS
Courtney G. DiStefano is a Certified Child Life Specialist, child development expert, and mom of three with nearly fifteen years of clinical experience serving children and families in hospitals and social-service settings.
