Help! How To Reset Screen Time Norms for My Kids

Make a plan

Think about why you want to change how things are. Plan out the steps you want to take to shift things in the right direction.

Move slowly rather than going “cold turkey”. Instead of suddenly resetting your child’s daily video game time by one hour, decrease time limits by ten minutes per week until you reach your desired goal. 

If your intention is to increase time and capacity for boredom or independent play, start slowly. If you’re turning off regular screen time fifteen minutes earlier than normal, do not expect them to just jump into an activity of their own right away. Instead, plan to engage your child in an activity during that new free time so they have a time of connection to replace the screen use. Over time, slowly decrease how long you play with them, and slowly increase the time for independent play. Attention and connection often help to ease moments of transition. 

Include your kids

Explain to them what isn’t working about the current norms. Maybe you’ve learned new information that concerns you. Share with your kids that you no longer feel the way they use video games, their phone, or even TV is doing enough to protect their health and safety. Maybe screen time has been a constant source of argument. Explain that you are shifting the way it is regulated because it’s negatively impacting your relationship with them or the way you communicate with one other. Whatever the concern may be, share it with your kids. Loop them into your reasoning so that they understand why the norms are being reset. 

Highlight that they are not being punished. Especially if you are setting new limits for teenagers, reinforce that you are not removing autonomy or making this decision because you do not trust them. 

Give kids input

Find areas of your plan that your kids can have a say in. Look for ways to include them in the process to allow them feelings of control. For example, if you want to decrease the time that your elementary kids are watching television in the afternoons, at the end of your discussion you can ask them, “Do you think we should start our new time all at once, or should we decrease the time by 10 minutes every day until we get to the 30-minute goal?” These opportunities for input may be small and may feel insignificant to you as an adult, but for kids, they feel empowering and inclusive. 

Expect protest

Just because you present it thoughtfully does not mean they are going to magically love the new norms you are setting. In fact, we need to expect kids to get angry about it. 

When we approach things this way, however, we can also rest assured that we have been thoughtful and intentional about the reset process. This increases our own resilience to endure their discomfort. 

Consider ways to increase your capacity to continue to hold the boundary and not waver under the pressure of their emotions. Some parents find it helpful to take turns enforcing the limits so each parent has built it breaks. Parents can also schedule in some more self-care strategies in the first few days when protests will be highest. 

Remind yourself in hard moments that periods of transition do eventually settle into new normals. This season will not last forever, as long as the boundary is held and compromises are not struck.

Build in an opportunity for evaluation

Phrases like, “We want to check back in one week to see how these changes are feeling to everyone” create a finite amount of time they need to bear with things. It conveys to your kids that you want to hear from them, and assures them they will have the opportunity to air grievances at a designated time.