A Healthy Dose Of Boredom: Why It’s Important For Development

Most people dislike feeling boredom. It can be agitating or frustrating, especially for young children.

While it used to be an inevitable, rather common healthy part of life, author Michael Easter argues that boredom has been widely eliminated by the rise of technology. In his book, “The Comfort Crisis”, he says that on average people spend 11 hours and 6 minutes a day using digital media (cellphones, TV, audio, and computers) with cell phones specifically averaging about 2.5 hours per day (p. 93). When we look around waiting rooms or stand in line, it is more common to see people absorbing some form of digital media than to see them just waiting. 

Pocket technology has erased the need for boredom

Has this “solution” to boredom solved a problem? 

Boredom serves some incredibly important functions to brain health and development. It motivates us to create change, increases our tolerance for discomfort, and allows our brains time to recharge. 

Boredom is not a state to avoid, but rather one to encourage, and here’s why 

a Healthy Dose of Boredom Sparks Creativity 

Various studies have shown that people demonstrate increased creativity after enduring a period of boredom. Unstructured time allows our brains to practice creative thinking. Creative thinking does not just mean learning to paint or color. Creative thinking is linked to success in a variety of professional fields as it is essential to problem-solving, inventing, and originating. A study done in the 1950s showed that a group of students who scored highest on a standardized test of creative thinking became more accomplished adults than those with the highest IQ scores (p. 105).

Children sometimes need to feel bored to be inspired to build a fort or set up an obstacle course.  Finding ways to entertain oneself is a highly valuable skill, and like any skill, it is one that requires practice. The more our kids are exposed to unstructured time, the better they become at utilizing it. 

Boredom Increases Stress Tolerance

The ability to function through emotions like stress or discomfort is essential to life. Screens, however, encourage us to avoid uncomfortable feelings rather than work through them. 

When we encourage our children to cope with the sensation of boredom rather than avoid it, we are helping them learn how to conquer a feeling of distress. Frustration tolerance is a key component of building relationships and experiencing success. Without it, we give up or lash out. Boredom is an opportunity to build this tolerance.

Boredom Allows Our Brains To Rest

Studies have shown that when our brains are not attending to a task or receiving input, they become unfocused and are allowed to wander. Easter describes it as “a rest state that restores and rebuilds the resources needed to work better and more efficiently in the focused state.” (p. 97).

When we are not engaged in something, we get better at becoming present and noticing the things around us. We also give our brains downtime to recharge. 

School-aged children are engaged in high levels of focused states all day in school. While watching tv or playing an iPad game may seem like a way to achieve rest in the afternoons (and in many ways it is), it also is important to remember that engaging in media is active brain time. They are absorbing and processing external input. 

Allowing them time to feel bored provides a different kind of rest for their neurological system. It allows their brain’s critical moments to recharge so they can better focus when they need to.

But how, as parents, how do we conquer the dreaded…. “I’m bored”? 

FIRST | Pause and think about the root of your child’s complaint. Sometimes a quick whine of “I’m bored” can actually be a struggle to transition, a need for attention, or an ask for connection. 

NEXT | Start by responding with empathy and acknowledgment. Empathy is a powerful parenting tool. It provides points of connection and affirmation. It models how to stop and see the world from someone else’s point of view. 

Phrases like, 

“Feeling bored can feel hard. I was bored yesterday standing in line at the grocery store and I didn’t love it,” 

…are sometimes enough to make a child feel understood and motivate them to create change on their own.

You can choose to stop there and see what happens. It is often a great parenting strategy to start by saying as little as possible. Try to offer assurance and empathy, and see how they respond. 

Alternatively, you can… 

OFFER A REFRAME | Reframing is a strong coping skill that can be utilized to increase capacity for a variety of discomforts. For example, “Being bored just means you haven’t decided what to do YET”. This reframes a negative to a positive while providing them encouragement that you believe they WILL find a creative solution. 

Often, direct suggestions of activities are met with defiance or indifference. “Why don’t you…” often quickly elicits a “No!” or “I don’t want to!”. 

To scapegoat this automatic response you can come alongside them and offer support, without offering actual suggestions. For example, 

“I wonder if we can work together to come up with an awesome idea for an activity”. 

OR 

“Did you have an idea of how I could help you with your bored feelings?” 

Offer support while inviting them to direct the conversation. 

PROVIDE PARAMETERS | so that your child has concrete expectations for when this feeling may end. 

“I hear you’re feeling bored. That can be a hard feeling for me too. We are going to leave for soccer in thirty minutes, which means this feeling will only last another half hour even if you don’t find anything to do.” 

If you are in a situation that requires waiting, like a long line for something or a long drive, watch for signs that your child’s boredom is starting to feel big or overwhelming to them. Either before they have the chance to verbally express it, or after you have provided a statement of empathy, engage them quickly in an activity without asking them if they want to do it.

Some favorites include…

• “I spy with my little eye”
• Simon Says
• Timed jumping jacks or knee taps (when kids need movement in small spaces)
• Sing favorite songs but mix up the words, be silly, and let them correct you
• Finding shapes and animals in the clouds or in surrounding nature
• Provide a story prompt “You are now a superhero princess and today is your birthday…. You just woke up and realized your pet unicorn escaped her castle!”

Don’t give them the opportunity to say, “no”. Just start playing, and see how it goes. 

LASTLY | focus on your own capacity for discomfort

It is triggering to feel as though our children require constant entertainment.. Simultaneously, we cannot expect them to learn to play creatively or independently if we cannot push through our own discomfort to provide them with the opportunity.

• Remind yourself that boredom is a window for massive growth.
• Reframe things for your own increased tolerance. This whining is hard to listen to, but I am teaching her how to wait patiently and I want her to learn that skill.

Why Modeling healthy habits is always the best way to teach 

Working through boredom with our kids is especially hard when we don’t often make space for it ourselves. Think about the most common ways you absorb technology, and look for opportunities to completely unplug throughout the day, even just for five minutes at a time. 

References: Easter, Michael. (2021). The Comfort Crisis. Embrace Discomfort to Reclaim Your Wild, Happy, Healthy Self. Rodale Books.